Focus after chaos

It’s Monday. Time to breathe new life into a new week. Time to start to focus with clarity again. Time to reconnect to the heart. We’ve good reason to in my part of town today. There’s something clean about a Monday. Washing away the sins of the week that’s been, Monday seems to give permission for the week (and therefore us in it) to start again. To begin anew. This week, in Croydon, it feels important that we begin anew.

You see, I live in Croydon, London. It’s a place not renowned for its charms per se. It’s a functional lively place to live, and offers a huge diverse cultural pot of people that makes it interesting to walk down the street. It’s a down to earth, slightly grubby functional part of town, home to many different classes, races and ages. It’s home to us though, and most of us who live here say the words ‘I live in Croydon’ with a kind of grudging pride that has a hint of ‘come on then, say what you need to say’ in response. Croydon has a bit of a reputation, you see. It’s one of those places that elicits a ‘Oh…Croydon…’ response when you tell people where you live.

Most people in their minds eyes seem to imagine up grey buildings, 60s leftovers, grotty streets, short miniskirted club goers (even in winter), young (young!) mothers, ethnic diversity and all of that some how adds up to an apologetic ‘oh you live in Croydon…’ type of response. And whilst all of that might be a somewhat true reflection, we try to put our best face forward when you come to visit. There are some things we are not so proud of. But mostly, it’s a good place to live.

Last Monday though, something happened. In response to tensions, in search of release, in sheep like fashion…for whatever reason, chaos sparked. Buildings and tempers too. As a result, for the last week or so, we’ve been dusting ourselves and our streets off. Making good by boarding up buildings and learning to live with the smell of smoke in the air. Chaos reigned in our streets in the form of riots and looting.

And without quite realising it, I’m only now realising that I’ve been caught in internal chaos. I lost track of my heart, I went into shock. And as with most times when our bodies go into shock, I had not realised it. I went about my daily business, responded emotionally, but actually, my heart left my body and I was not quite able to function in the way I usually do.

That means I spoke to people affected – shopkeepers who dashed to Ikea to buy more lighting so their customers could see what they were buying because the normal daylight was hidden behind boarded up broken windows. I commiserated and shook my head in a ‘what’s to be done’ way. I called the council offering to bring my broom to wherever it was needed – apparently over 500 calls were made by 10am on Tuesday morning. All calls of help and support offered. I tried to breathe through it. I pretended I could just get on with life as if this was some small blip. I smiled in gratitude when fellow Croydon friend, knowing that I was in a particular part of town, called on Tuesday lunchtime telling me that it was apparently all kicking off again, with instructions to take the back streets home. I also did what I was told.

What I’ve realised this morning, as we come into a new week though is that my body has holding shock. My heart has been somewhere outside of me as I continued through the week. Deep sadness crept in and though I was going through the motions of ‘it’s ok, get on with life as usual’, life has NOT been usual this week.

I went to the shops and bought things – and noticed many people chatting and talking more than usual. I nodded hello and stopped to talk to my neighbours on the street every time I left the house for something (this is not entirely normal, not EVERY time I go out do I do that!). I enjoyed our friends coming round, I cooked, I went to the large hardware store to buy concrete and ballast for our new patio slabs that were being laid (I noticed that much of the large sheets of plywood were out of stock). We continued on. Life went on. And yet, I smelled acrid smoke in the air as bus doors opened and tried to make that ok, telling myself it was over. It was a moment of madness.

But behind and through it all, I realise I am still listening, just listening out for the helicopters, the sirens and silently sending little prayers of gratitude out for the safety of all concerned. Through the days, passing shops with wood for windows, signs out front saying ‘sorry we’re closed’ or ‘open for business’. I realise that I’ve been holding my breath. I’ve been in shock. I shut down my heart and have been going through the motions of living.I slapped an ‘I’m fine, I’m coping well’ label on me and went about my business. I lost connection with myself.

But the promise of ‘Monday’ and a chat with a wise woman has helped me notice the tensions in my body, my mind and my heart. With her help, I shook myself off this morning and have returned my heart to its rightful place, inside of me, able to open and close at will through my desire. Through tapping on my thymus, waking my heart back up and shaking out the shock, I’m finally coming back into light and focus. By being ok about feeling human and acknowledging that actually I was scared and sad and simply did not quite know what to do or think…through doing all of this, I am suddenly free and clear to start my week differently than I did last week. Because only with my heart wide open can I go and really have the conversations, really create and have the connection that my part of town so desperately needs right now.

I’m off to see what that means for me; I invite you to check in with yourself – really check in: how are you doing? is your heart open or closed? in response to what? and if it is closed just now, what can you do to open it up a little, even if just to yourself?

I recommend breathing (in for four, hold for four, out for four), bouncing (mini trampolines are wonderful), skipping – with or without a rope! – until you are out of breath, actually just saying out loud that it’s ok to feel the way you feel sometimes – and really say it: I’m scared that…, I’m sad that… and just notice what you might need underneath all that feeling. And if it’s at all possible, go fulfil that need as a gift to yourself. Whether that’s a hug, a yell, some reassurance from a friend, a breath, some clarity or even just a cup of tea. Go give it to yourself. Or even better, go give it or share it with someone else closeby. They may need it too.

New Life Appears Easily When We Look For It

Down the road from me there's a tiny park. About 4 years ago, the council decided that rows of daffodils would be just the thing...and every year since the tall green stems surprise me with their resilience and inate knowledge that it's time to surprise me! Just this week, yellow heads started to appear and I just love this time of year. I love it that I can again begin to track time by the way the greenery and colour around me is shifting. Don't get me wrong, I love the sparse nature of winter, the lack of foliage and the broody sulky teenager that it seems to personify. Still, thin and heavily into dark clothing, dramatic effect and stark nakedness.

But Spring! It just lifts my heart to walk around seeing buds appear, blossoms popping out, snow drops fading from sight. It's exciting and new, and just so beautiful. Like the spring all around me, I'm also coming out from my hibernation. I've been fairly quiet, enjoying moments of joy but keeping them all to myself or at least a select few only. Somehow it was needed. The restoration of winter, the hanging out with broody teens made me a little silent too, touching the deep and dark inside me.

And it feels so good. If you've ever had a little bit of a 'silent retreat' even with many people around you, you'll know the bliss of just turning in and listening to your heart. Slowing down enough to hear the deep flows of messages from the heart. That's been my promise to myself this year: Follow Your Heart.

Just that one decision has taught me so much. In the last two months, I have given up a job that was not serving me and that I had stopped serving people through; started writing the story that's been wanting to come out for about the last twenty years; been put in the path of several new fab people who are perfect travellers for this years new journey...My universe is working over time.

Simple mantras make life really easy. Have you made a promise to yourself this year? Have you set some words for your life that make it easy to create newness and joy in your world? If you have not, I'd recommend it. A really simply phrase I was reminded of recently has stuck with me and seems to be my soundtrack of the moment. And before you think I've let go of 'Follow Your Heart', I've not - this one just tied in so beautifully that it is acting as a complement to it.

This is my latest mantra which I'm using to think through any food or drink I'm about to delight in: 'Will it clog me or cleanse me?' (I take no credit for it, but believe it to be a Louise Hay quote).

Whatever you are hearing inside yourself, remember that words are important and that you can choose the ones that hold power for and over you. If you don't like what you are saying to yourself at the moment or have no guiding light for your days, here's my tip: get lost in a little silence, do a bit of brooding, be a bit of a skulky teen. Then when you are ready, emerge from it with words that inspire and nurture you in to being, doing and having so much more of what you want for yourself and those around you.

Much joy and wonder

Helena

Wonderstate Number 14: Enjoy the normal...

It's Saturday morning. It's early. Not much is happening in my house; one of the cats has seen me put down food for him. He sat and watched me, as is normal. Then left. As is normal. He will no doubt now play outside for a moment, sort out his morning ablutions, then pad upstairs and find the man in the bed (as is normal)and snuggle under the blanket, proceed to purr really loudly and contently. As is normal.

I am likely to discover the other cat nesteled ON something soft (as is normal). I've yet to find him. Being a dark tabby, he 'blends in' more than the long haired black and white.

The house is quiet. This is very normal and I love it. I like to just sit down on the chair and take a moment to breathe and be grateful. Just stop. Breathe. Really breathe, loudly enough so you can hear it. Then I smile. Then I get up and make home made cafe latte. As is normal.

Whilst the espresso filters out of the machine, I usually end up finishing the bottle of milk and rather than rinse it out, I fill it up, remants of milk still in it and go around the house watering my plants. This is one of those things I read somewhere, that the milk is useful to the plants. I have no idea why I started believing it, but I did and the plants seem happy enough. So it has become part of what's normal. Clinking around the house with my glass milk bottle, nourishing the green. (And yes, we have a milkman - Tom - who brings us our milk to the doorstop! This is another bit of normal that I love in my life).

I bring up one cup of it to the man in the bed, who is snugging with the cat. As is normal, I hear the cat before I even enter the room. I leave the frothy coffee on the side, slip into the bed, dragging attention away from the cat as the man gives me a big hug and holds me in grateful thanks for being me and bringing him coffee. It is normal for this to last only about 30 seconds before the cat realises that his source of love and snugs has been usurped. He comes to paw at both of our faces. We let him into the hugs and he starts to purr again. This is all very normal too. It makes me smile. I'm still smiling as I come downstairs to my computer, sipping my coffee, and enjoying the peace.

All this normality is reassuring, warming and delicious. It puts me in a state of wonder of the heart kind. I just open up my heart and fill it with appreciation of how much this simplicity and routine can make me feel like bursting with awe and peace.

Later on, I will do things that are not normal. That are unusual or varied. I will slip out of the routine and into the unknown. This means I might do laundry, or go to a course, or do some writing, or meet a friend. There is no script for the rest of the day. But all these things bring with them their own wonder. And as I sit there on a Saturday morning thinking through what might happen, I let myself get caught in the wonder of the head. What else, what other magic might today bring me?

As you are reading this, you may already have wandered off to noticing what's normal for you...what are the routines that make your heart warm, that reassure you and wrap you up in deliciousness. The tiny routines are a Way to Wonder, if you let them be. Get into noticing what yours are. And then do them with intention and appreciation for how they have come together and really experience how they make you feel. And if you discover that the routine does not quite fill you up, what might you do to put some reverence and joy into it? What thoughts might you apply to your 'normal' to make them even more special?

Yours with Wonder,

Helena


By the way, today, I found the 2nd cat on my coat, which had slipped off the hook in the night. He's such an on cat, but he does love a little variety with what is normal...

Wonderstate Number 6: Get Moving!

I have been doing lots and being lots for a while now. And I got a little tired! It took a friend who already does this wonderstate of getting moving really well to give me a kick and get back into the habit of using Get Moving as a way to wonder. She reminded me that in order to sustain my stamina and energy, I'd better ramp up the amount of exercise I am doing.

Now I am sure, absolutely sure, that words along the lines of "I'm too busy/tired/clumsy (etc) to exercise" have crossed your lips or your neural network at some point in time. We get too distracted by being busy, being lazy (tv anyone?), being stubborn, being rebellious or being whatever else it is that is your avoidance of choice. And in the meanwhile, our bodies lie fallow, overgrown and underused. The storehouse of energy that lives inside us and is always available remains untapped and we THEN tell ourselves we do not have the capacity to do any more, we are too tired, we deserve a rest... And the storehouse shuts its doors, clicking the lock into place for the night and waits patiently.

We need energy to do stuff. We lament that we do not have it. We tell ourselves that the thing we want to do will take more of this energy stuff than we can possibly have inside us. So we stay small. We stay stuck. We tell ourselves "one day"... The thing is, we do have energy in abundance, we just forget that we hold the key to the storehouse.

That key is just to get moving. Literally. Move. Do something. Stand up. Start. Swing your arms. Sit back down. Stand up again. Circle your hips, wiggle them. Go on, stop reading just for a moment and stand up. Now sit back down. Made you breathe right? Or smile at the very least? If it felt good, do it again! As soon as you take action, especially action that has a little bit of physical exertion, something happens.

The wonderstate of getting moving works to beautifully fuel your day and many of the moments in your day. It is instant, accessible, and free. Have you ever stopped to notice what happens as soon as you've done a little bit of 'hard work'? Maybe you dug out the Hoover and whizzed around the house. Maybe you walked down to the local shops to pick up a loaf of bread, maybe it was just moving laundry from one floor to another. Maybe you pulled out the weeds from between the paving stone cracks in the garden path. Each of these things requires us to expend energy, and here comes the true wonder: every time we do something, everytime we move, we somehow release more energy, and the loop deliciously plays around and around. As Horace puts it: "dimidium facti, qui coepit, habet" or “Once you've started, you're halfway there”.

All of this is just so present because, having had my kick (thank you Rachel), I made arrangements to spend an hour a week at the gym with a wondrous woman (Trinny) who is making me push my physicality to the limit - I come out pink-faced, wobbly and not quite able to walk out as fast as I want to. I also come out smiling, proud and energised. I am noticing, even after two weeks of this just how much more energy I have. I am noticing my tendency to NOT hop on the bus to the station. I am noticing my desire (!) to walk up escalators and bound up stairs. I know how good I will feel at the top of them; a little out of breath to be sure, but also happy that I have loved my body well for a moment or two. I am cultivating an addiction to moving. It's in me and I want to give it space to wake up even more.

Simple things are helping me to get moving in the small moments. I have relocated the 'home' for the tv remote to live ON the mini trampoline (which is now out in the living room again). This is a powerful tool in shifting my mindset!. It makes me question if what I really want is a rest or a move. Do I want to slip into inertia or do I want to maintain momentum? Natural law dictates that "An object at rest is more likely to stay at rest"...and is that what I really want? How will I feel after an hour or more of sluggishly losing myself in the land of TV, when I could just pop out for a walk down the road? "An object in motion is more likely to stay in motion". This simple relocation of the remote means that I am so much more likely to get on my mini trampoline and bounce for ten minutes rather than click the TV on and settle in.

So how can you get moving, to get yourself more energy? What can you do today to energise yourself and set that motion going? Have you got a skipping rope? Can you have a go? Maybe you can just move up and down the stairs / steps in your house for a minute or two to get your heart going? Or reach for the volume control on the stereo and just move those hips and shake that booty whilst no-one's watching. Or get mopping the floor vigorously with a timer, set yourself a little competition as to just how quickly you can get it done! I promise you, there will be a smile on your face as you feel your body respond with more energy than ever to fuel whatever you do next.

And what can you set up around the house that reminds to you to move? What little reminders or tools might you set out for yourself to encourage this wonderstate of getting moving? I've now got my favourite housecleaning CD permanently loaded into the player for just such moments (The Barenaked Ladies - Gordon, just in case you wondered...) Turn it on, turn it up, grab a broom and sweep yourself into energy!

Whatever you choose to do, I'd love to hear what your body energiser was today.

Yours with wonder,

Helena
PS - the mini trampoline I mentioned is my wonder kit of choice in the area of getting moving. Get yourself a PT Bouncer for the best results ever.

The wonder of clearing out the old

This week, in anticipation of moving to an new office, we have all been in various stages of wondering - what will it be like? what can we let go of? what will we need to do when we move? who will we meet? what will be different? what will be the same? what worries can be set aside?

I have become fascinated by the reactions of myself and those around me, and I am in awe of just how beautifully different we all are, and how varied our responses to this forced change have been. I personally am loving the challenge of throwing out 'stuff', letting go of that which no longer is needed or serves me. I am delighting in the idea of the new people, new environment and new experiences that sitting in a different building will bring. It's an adventure. It's a way to wonder.

The wonder of clearing out is that feeling of lightness that begins to come as you fill up bag after bag of recycling, shredding into the past the pages and pages that once were decidedly useful and now have been yellowing in the corners of cabinets. Long lost and lurking files make their trip from drawer to dustbin liner, leaving us wondering what else we can search out to let go of. We had a bit of a festival with the dry wipe markers in the cupboard - who knew they had an expiry date?!

The true wonder of the week however has been just how much the clearing out has brought out the spirit of the explorer in each and every one of us and to what degree. New definitions of 'brave and courageous' are abounding, with 20 or so years of filing being left behind by some. The mood is bouyant. Clean slate is the new buzz. With the lightness has come possibility. The move has gone smoothly, and we are now all settling in, all worries left behind with the files and pages, and newness is filling the spaces we we've created. New friendships, new projects, new connections to play with, in mind and reality.

So that brings me to asking you - what can you clear out of your cupboards, metaphorical or actual? How can you bring yourself to lightness through letting go? And what wonders might come in to fill the vacuum that you create...?

Wonderstate Number 3: Get Curious

Wonderstate Number 3 or "A recipe for getting out of the 'lazies' and back in flow".

You know those mornings where everything is just moving along the way you want it to...the people you are call are there, the appointments are easy to set, the pace is moving along and you feeling effective and efficient and wonderful as a result?
 
Then you go and make a cup of tea. Just to be ready for the next 'chapter' of your day. You are on fire!

And then you get back to the laptop or desk or laundry or hoover or book or whatever it is you have planned as your next thing to 'tackle' - and you just cannot find that spark of efficiency you seemed to have only moments ago. You sit, you stretch, you stand, you lift the metaphorical cushions of your couch to find all that energy, but it's just gone. Vanished! The tea gets colder as you resort to surfing or shuffling things around instead, and before you know it, you are another hour into the day and feeling grumpy because you are now being 'lazy', 'lacksadaisical', 'a wastrel', 'rubbish' (or whatever it is that your inner head voice is choosing to label you right now).

So how do we get back to that delicious feeling of flow? For me, it's wonder state number 3: Curiosity.

When I catch myself in that state, I have learned to get curious. I stop. I look around inside my head or on my desk for something, ONE thing, to get really really curious about. Now when I say curious, I am talking about the kind you see in children who have just found some new thing that they are just fascinated by. They become explorers of the microlevel. Wow, isn't this straw just the best thing ever? It's smooth, it's light, I can look through it, I can bang it on a table without getting shouted at, I can look through it, look! I can see you! I can push it into the floor and it squishes. It makes a sound when I rub it. It feels funny. It gets put in drinks...hmmm. Ooo, I can blow it and it makes your hair move! It's got stripes, I wonder what they do, it's red and white, and it bends, and it's hard to tear; I can blow through it; I can put it in my ear, hmmm that makes the bigger people laugh, I can see a small you - I can SEE you!!! wow....

Curiosity. Go find something to get curious about and get on in there, with full on absorbtion and fascination... before you know it, those questions and observations will be causing all sorts of things to happen inside your brain and your body. Almost instantly, you find you are back in flow, your creativity and drive are back and it's all because the chemicals in charge of that flow have been given a kick-start by your curiosity.

You see, curiosity is an emotion and all our emotions are connected to the body and the brain and the cool thing about that is that we can learn to  control those chemicals and choose, yes!, choose to get in flow whenever we want to. Just by kick-starting that curiosity cycle again.

Curiosity: Go ahead, roll the word over your tongue, say it out loud and move it around in your mouth. The word comes comes from the Latin; curiosus 'careful, diligent, curious' (akin to cura "care") and is an emotion linked to natural inquisitive behaviour such as exploration, investigation, and learning. Scientists observe that humans and animals alike have the quality; it's that old and that ground into us! It's just there, ready for us to use and we can choose it whenever we want to.

We use the term 'curious' to denote the behaviour itself, being caused by the emotion of curiosity. As this emotion represents a drive to know new things, curiosity is the fuel of study and one way to get in flow. So, start to wonder 'how long will it take me to Dyson up that staircase?'; say 'I wonder how long it might take for Bill to call me back?' or even 'what can I say in my message to make him call back sooner...?'; 'I wonder what Mary will say when she gets home and sees I've cleaned up the kitchen for her...?'; 'I wonder what I can write to make the board understand how important this is for our company...?'.

Here's my recipe for getting curious and back in flow:

Ingredients required for this recipe are:
An egg timer + focussed attention + a bit of playfulness + the words "I wonder..."

(If you don't have an egg timer that pings, maybe use your mobile phone's alarm or something like that - I just like egg timers because they are fun and make a noise!)

The best way I have found to get curious, to experience curiosity is simply to say 'I wonder...?' and then add whatever the best question is for me at the time. Right now, the 'I wonder...' questions that I am asking myself are:

• 'I wonder where do I make this blog entry end?!'
• 'I wonder how I can make the best of the next 5 minutes?' 
• 'I wonder how much more I can write in the next 5 minutes?',
• 'I wonder how I can make the instructions live inside you so you remember to take 3 or 5 or 7 minutes out to wonder?'.

You can make it fun too. When I am out of flow, I now use one of the cute little tea timers that I bought in a shop in Copenhagen: I have a 3 minute wonder (green tea), a 5 minute wonder (black tea) and when I am really going for it, a 7 minute wonder (herbal tea). You could just set your egg timer. For those of you that do, I can almost guarantee, it will make you jump when it pings! Flow does funny things to our perception of time.

Get absorbed, get curious and it won’t be long before you are making another well deserved cup of tea, feeling excited, happy, pleased with yourself, and probably full of curiosity about the next thing...

Yours with wonder,

Helena

Full to bursting...

Tonight, having spent a day in the sunshine with Tabita and Karen, I wonder at the nature of family and friendships...how my sister can be such a good friend and how my good friend can be a such a sister to me. The lines blur, we are caught in the web that is community. I am left in awe, filled with the kind of wonder that fills my heart to beyond brimming. This kind of wonder is energising, refreshing and altogether supportive. We all need this kind of heart wonder - the kind that allows us to connect to our hearts, to sparkle inside the skin, to feel truly bigger than the bodies that contain us. We need to expand inside of ourselves and feel that bigness so that it makes us come alive, all smiling beyond any need to do so, in a just because kind of way.

When did you last have that full to bursting feeling? What was it that got you in touch with that joy, that delighted you so much that you just had to smile?